good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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