In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my being single is dangerous.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize