my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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