Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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