Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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