I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
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