He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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