That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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