Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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