Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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