found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize