At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize