My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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