Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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