Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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