She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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