I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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