I'm going to jail i love you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize