Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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