I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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