My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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