My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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