So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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