why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize