ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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