I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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