Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Holy sore nipples Batman
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So here I am, sexting at work.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize