Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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