I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize