This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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