hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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