when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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