i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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