Sry I called you an 8
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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