the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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