why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize