Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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