i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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