I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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