How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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