I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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