apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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