1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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