Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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