Your mouth is God's brothel.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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