dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize