So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Couch. On fire.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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