ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize