don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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