I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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