I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize