i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize